Sunday, February 27, 2011

When Clayton Found Me

Maybe three or four days after we brought our little bundle home, I found myself awake at 1am. Or was it 2am, or 3am?  Sometime between the poop, the milk and the tears,  Clayton and I found each other.

I mean, we really found each other.  In the dark, our faces three inches away, his eyes found mine.  In the midst of chaos, all time stopped, as our eyes locked.  He searched my face as if to say, "So this is what you look like on the outside".  I countered with, "Oh, there you are".  The otherness I had been feeling since he was born  melted away and, in that moment, we became a team.  Just as though we had always been. 

Our initial curiosity became acceptance.  And trust. 

In my delirious state, this archetypal 30 seconds has proven to be the most pivotal experience of my life.  In that moment, this stranger in baby's clothing, became my son.  And I became his mom.


  1. My first words to Elias were "there you are." How funny, that we both spoke those same words, and how much magic they held for us.
    In those early months, mother and baby are practically the same person, but now my whole world is growing as Elias is becoming his own little self.
    So happy to rejoice in the mommy moments that you are sharing with this blog.
    Thank you:)